As Kirra walked down the hallway, she could hear the barely repressed murmurs that greeted her… The stares burning the back of her neck as she walked straight ahead, neither turning right nor left… In any case, who would she be turning to? Who would be there to greet her or even smile at her? No one… The only thing that she would see on the indistinct faces, the only emotions lightening those judging eyes would be raw curiosity, fear and a certain repulsion at her being.
“That’s her! That’s Kirra Vaughan! You were right, she looks weird…”
“Shhhh… you wouldn’t want her to hear that? Who knows what would be the consequences if we anger the Genius of the school?”
Seems like your voice still isn’t low enough for me not to hear… It had always been like that…Kirra thought as she passed a group of girls that stopped talking as soon as she had approached them… Kirra wished she had the courage to stop and confront them, but courage had never been part of her qualities… No it had never been… Kirra shook off that self-remonstrance, and turning away from the now silent mass, she opened the door to a haven where their judging eyes couldn’t chide.
The familiar smell of dry paint welcome her as she set foot inside the spacious room.
Home at last…Kirra thought, smiling for the first time since she entered the school building that day… Here was the only place she ever felt at ease… This was the only place she felt she belonged… Kirra looked about the room, with a fondness quite of character… Paint tubes, brushes, easels, paper, unfinished paintings… That was her world…
But soon, the dancing grey irises darkened to a metallic glint… She would soon have to say goodbye to this little haven of hers… Aye, pretty soon, she would have to be once again part of the Reality she so despises… All that because…
No, Stop! Don’t go down there! A voice yelled in Kirra’s mind… She clasped her hands on her ears, as if she could prevent the voices of her memories to stop flooding back…But it was no use, the barrier was irremediably breached… Kirra sunk down among the mess of artistic tools, the weight of those memories pounding inside her head…
“Miss Kirra Leigh Vaughan, please report immediately to the Principal’s office,” that cold, out-of-body voice was calling on the interphone.
“What could it be?” Kirra thought as she dropped her pencil.
She was sitting on the floor of a sparsely furnitured room, among a crumpled pile of paper. To tell the truth, since the past hour or so, she had been desperately trying to come up with a new idea for a painting…But to no avail… She had been on the point of going out to take a walk, hoping it would bring back her muse, when this announcement was made…
Reluctantly, she got up, dusted her jeans, pulled her messy curls in a neat ponytail and when she was sure of being presentable, she opened the door and went down the hallway towards the entrance of the building. She would have to cross half the yard to reach the administrative building. Kirra trembled at the thought as she got out in the open air.
“Hope this meeting or whatever would be over quickly! It seems it would pretty soon rain,” she thought, looking at the dark, heavy clouds, looming menacingly overhead. “Well, better hurry up and get it over with,” Kirra told herself as she rushed towards the Administrative building.
Some minutes later, she was standing before the heavy wooden door bearing the inscription “Principal’s Office” on a golden plate. Inhaling deeply, she knocked softly on the door, and hearing an austere “Come in”, she turned the knob and entered the stately office. It was not the first time she had been in this room, but each time, she was as awed by the intricate décor.
“Oh, Miss Vaughan. Have a seat please,” the firm voice of the Principal told her, gesturing to a seat facing her and breaking off Kirra’s reverie.
As always, Kirra could not help but feel a tinge of fear for this woman administrating this establishment. Kirra knew Ms Laverna was strict but just, but even so, her first instinct was always one of fear. She silently took the designated seat, her legs almost shaking from the apprehension of what might follow… Kirra had a bad feeling about this meeting. Something wasn’t right… Something was definitely amiss… But what? That Kirra could not answer…
“Miss Vaughan, I am sure you’re wondering why I’ve called you today,” started Ms Laverna.
“Well, I’ll have to admit, yes, Ms Laverna,” said Kirra, trying to hide the foreboding she was sure was creeping in her voice.
“Well, Miss Vaughan, I will not delay any longer. The reason why I’ve called you here today, is concerning your performance, here at this Academy. I have to say that you have not quite live up to my expectations.”
At those words, Kirra hardly contained herself from closing her eyes. She had known this meeting didn’t mean anything good… She knew it.
“Since a month you joined us here at Phobeus Academy of Arts, you haven’t shown the artistic trait that had valued you the title of ‘Most Promising New Talent’ at the national Arts competition. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you have not produced any new works since you set foot in this school right? Save for some draft, unfinished works, is that right?” continued the Principal.
“Yes, Ma’am…” Kirra replied, in a small voice. What could she do else? She couldn’t deny the facts, right?
“And may I know the reason for this absence of artistic works?” And at the silence of her student, Ms Laverna continued, “Miss Vaughan, you’ve been given then highest priviledge since you entered this school. A workshop for yourself, no conventional classes nor any teachers to supervise you. You’ve been given a freedom no other student has ever enjoyed. The only thing we required of you was regular submission of your works, for us, to be able to observe your evolution as an artist, but also to help and guide you. But, Miss Vaughan, how are we to do that, if no works are submitted?” Ms Laverna paused, scrutinizing the young girl, with her piercing brown eyes.
Kirra did not what to answer to all that… She knew she was at fault… She couldn’t- No…Wouldn’t paint again. Why? She herself could not answer… Then how could she answer the Principal?
“Sorry,” she merely mumbled, still unsure of what to say.
“You don’t need to apologise, Miss Vaughan. But, much as I would loathe doing it, I need to tell you that should this trend continue I’ll have to revoke your priviledges. I am sorry, but you would be forced to adopt the normal school life.”
And here was the materialization of her foreboding, Kirra thought as the ominous words fell on her ears, like a death knell. Deprived of her priviledges? Forced to deal with the students that did their all to avoid her? It seemed, once more, her Realm would be crumbling. Just when she thought she could finally be at peace.
“I understand, Ms Laverna. May I know till when I have to prove my worthiness of those priviledges?” answered Kirra finally, her calm voice betraying nothing of the turmoil raging in her.
“A month. If at the end of next month, you don’t submit any work, you’ll be considered a normal student. Of course, we would still pay your tuition fees and the likes, but the special treatment given to you, would be revoked.”
“I understand…May I go back to the workshop?” Kirra asked, softly.
“You may,” said Ms Laverna, and before Kirra went out the door, “Kirra,” she called out, for the first time using Kirra’s first name, “I know the artist who painted the masterpiece ‘Childhood Reverie’ is still there somewhere…Hope to see another one of your beauties,” she finished, smiling at Kirra. Kirra merely nodded before exiting.
What would she do? She could no longer paint…Her muse seemed to have deserted her, completely… What to do? She needed to, had to find a solution… She couldn’t let her realm crumble, not so soon…Not now…
Kirra exited the Administrative building, not feeling the cold drops pouring on her. She walked in the rain, like a zombie, unfeeling… The cold did not seep into her. It would seem she had entered a numb state. Only her mind was working : what could she do to save herself? She had a month… A month to overcome those obstacles obstructing her… Will she be able to? She didn’t know… Only time would tell her…
Kirra woke up from her pseudo-trance. Today was the eve of that fateful day… And still her canvases were empty, white and untouched. That day, she had wandered in the rain for God knows how much time, but she still had not been able to call back her Inspiration. And even now, nearly a month after, those demons shackling her could not be faced down… She needed to find something… Or she could say goodbye to her new life… But what? Her mind was blank… She had not been able to conjure up anything worth it till that day in the autumn sunset… Did she still have that talent that was so praised by the critics? She was beginning to doubt it…
It’s not that you’ve lost your talent, Kir… It’s just that you, yourself, are unwilling to take the brushes again…
Kirra was startled to remember, right now, the voice of her friend back home… Cornelia was right… She had to get a hold of herself, before it was too late.
Kirra got up, determinedly, and went towards the easel where lay her latest canvas. Plugging in earphones playing Vivaldi, this time, she dipped her brush in the paint. She did not know what she was going to paint. She had no idea what the end result would be… She just knew she had to paint… She had to break off the chains that she herself had locked on her limbs.
Each stroke on the canvas was rejuvenation. Each new color appearing on the white was a revival, her Revival… And all through the night she painted, not falling victim to the pangs of sleep nor to the pangs of fatigue… She painted like she was possessed… But, she had never felt so happy since weeks… She painted like in a trance, her hand aching, but never once stopping… Kirra knew she had to finished that painting now…
Several hours later, as dawn was breaking, Kirra stood, breathless before a canvas that was no longer white… She looked at her painting: a winter scenery where shone a crystal enclosing the delicate body of a faerie, her lilac hair falling down to her knees. Kirra didn’t know what it represented, nor did she want to know… She just was proud of having been able to break free of her bonds…
Whether or not this painting would be appreciated by the teachers and Ms Laverna…Whether or not this painting would save my realm…Whether or not I’ll have to be a normal student… It no longer matters… I’m already glad to have taken up the brushes again…
Kirra closed her eyes at that thought, smiling as she drifted off to the arms of Morpheus…
© 2008, Sayuka. Some Rights Reserved
Posted in Artwork, Writing | Tagged Family, Fiction | 1 Comment »
